The Truth About Autistic Females

Published April 30, 2009 @ 04:00PM PT

[Ed. This is today's second guest post--I'll post about what I was up to instead of writing on Wednesday, promise!]

Greetings and salutations Change.org readers! When I asked Dora which of my previous posts received the most attention, she mentioned Blasting Stereotypes in Autistic Females, hence the inspiration for this post. Oh, and by the way, the girl with the gorgeous pointe shoes on (in the photo below) is me.

Okay, I lied. That girl in the photo below is not me. But it could have been me, right? That is if I were a dancer for Oregon Ballet Theater. Oh well, a lady can dream. My point--no pun intended--is that it is not beyond the realms of autism for an autistic female to have a special interest in something like ballet.

One of the autism advocacy groups I am involved with, here in Portland, has quite an array of autistic females with various interests. We have a ballet dancer (me), three artists who enjoy painting, a beadwork designer, a gymnast, a glam rock fan, and a Benny & Joon fanatic. That noted, we all have extremely individual appearances including tastes in clothing and hair styles, as well as unique mannerisms, nuances, and perspectives.

The males in our group are almost all heavily drawn to computers. Video games are also popular. One of our guys is a comic book collector and another one is a Buffy the Vampire Slayer (TV Series) enthusiast--much to Dora's and my delight!

In the name of education, I am going to expose some personal bits of myself:

I despise having to get ready for the day, but I go all out using fancy girly stuff in the shower, even delving into a little make-up and hair product when I get out. Then I dress in what I perceive to be fashionable, yet simple, clothing.
No matter what I may look like on the outside, on the inside, my executive functioning skills are unreliable and extremely fragile to the effects of stress. Though I should win an oscar for putting on a pleasant social face and for having *stellar* eye contact (largely due to my hearing loss and the need to read lips), I am constantly monitoring myself out of fear that I will say or do something unexpected and/or inappropriate.
I am the polar opposite of the type of person who needs to be around people at all times.
I have difficulty caring for people other than myself. Did I mention that I have two kids?
I struggle with simple math.
I have severe sensory issues, especially with certain types of noises, visual distractions, and touches.
I have mild motor planning issues.
I have absolutely no instinct that propels me to feel sorry for things that seem trivial or easily fixed with logic.
I experience difficulty with certain types of changes or transitions.
The Neurotypicals (written with love) in my life have field days teasing me about my narrow interests and passions.
Watch out, I've been known to monologue--especially on the phone.

So what does all of this mean? Why am I sharing, or rather airing, this small list of things about myself? What's the point?

In all honesty, I am but one teensy drop of water in the sea of autistic females. I'm one wave, one tide, and one grain of sand. Simply put, I am but a small part of a dynamic subset of nature.

What exactly is the truth about autistic females?

Drum roll...autistic females are individuals with sames and differences just like any other factor belonging to the human population. Are the differences between people with blond hair and blue eyes not infinite? Of course, and so much so that only the eyes and hair color can be counted on as identifying factors.

Let's hope to see some real changes for females in the DSM V Autism Spectrum Condition criteria expected in 2012. Too many autistic females are being misdiagnosed, or declined a diagnosis, due to the rampant misunderstandings surrounding us. This is detrimental to both the psyche and well-being of this autistic spectrum population.

With there being so much more to learn about autism and its many expressions, why are males and females being thrown into the same box? Or even worse, denied a distinction?

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Comments (11)

YES!

Posted by Lisa Baeuerlen on 04/30/2009 @ 05:30PM PT
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Thanks for reading Lisa! :)

Posted by Elesia Ashkenazy on 04/30/2009 @ 07:22PM PT
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Thanks for adding another facet to the anti-monolithic understanding of autism. People often ask for first-person-perspective book recommendations to better understand my son, but I can never recommend just one because Donna Williams and Temple Grandin and Daniel Tammett, etc. are all so very different from each other. Just as you wrote.

Posted by Shannon Rosa on 05/01/2009 @ 10:56AM PT
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@ Shannon--a book I really like (and boy do I know the difficulty of trying to find that "one" book) is titled:
Autism and the Myth of the Person Alone, by Douglas Biklen et al.
Here's a link on Amazon:
http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0814799280

It's currently selling for $18.90

Posted by Elesia Ashkenazy on 05/01/2009 @ 11:23AM PT
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Elesia, thanks for writing this. I don't have a dx of anything (I'm 41 and won't be pursuing anything along those lines) but I know who I am, which among other things includes the following:

--I despise having to get ready for the day to the point that I don't work outside the home any more, in part because I simply don't like getting dressed for work. I don't like clothes that bind, hit me at the waist, or cover certain parts of my body, like my wrists. This problem does not lend itself to dressing for work.

--No matter what I may look like on the outside, on the inside, my executive functioning skills are unreliable and extremely fragile to the effects of stress.

--I am constantly monitoring myself out of fear that I will say or do something unexpected and/or inappropriate.

--I am the polar opposite of the type of person who needs to be around people at all times. I absolutely want to spend most of my time alone or with my husband and children. Mostly alone.

--I have severe sensory issues, especially with certain types of noises, visual distractions, and touches. I do NOT like to be touched by most people. Repetitive noises almost literally drive me insane. I can't stand to see things swinging in front of my face--it actually makes me angry. I can't have dry hands or lips and obsessively use lotion and chapstick.

--I have mild motor planning issues. Can't imitate aerobics instructors, for example.

--I have absolutely no instinct that propels me to feel sorry for things that seem trivial or easily fixed with logic. Why feel sorry when it can be fixed?

--I experience difficulty with certain types of changes or transitions, to the point that another reason I don't want to work outside my home is that I don't want to leave my neighborhood. It's not agoraphobia. I just want to be in my neighborhood.

--The Neurotypicals in my life have field days teasing me about my narrow interests and passions. They've been known to call me "Spock" because of my "rational" reaction to things.

It all sounds so familiar. The older I get, the greater clarity I have about who I am and what I can do and not do and pretend to do. I have my fixed interests, which most women--any women?--I know do not share with me. It is actually difficult for me to spend time with people, but it is especially difficult for me to spend time in groups of women because I never relate to what they're talking about, and honestly, I'm kind of bored by a lot of it. I don't like to talk or think about clothes, shoes, pop chick-lit, interior decorating, or bad spousal relationships (which I don't have because my husband and I are about exactly alike). I'm not anti-woman at all, quite the opposite, but I rarely find a woman who shares my interests, behaviors, or perspective.

Posted by Emily Willingham on 05/01/2009 @ 03:34PM PT
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@ Emily: thank you so much for writing in! Our voices are of monumental importance in getting the message out about us. As you can tell, I am quite passionate about transcending the myths surrounding females on the spectrum.
A. Like you, I have strong preferences to be alone and I enjoy my own company about as much as Dora and me fancy jelly beans.
B. I am beyond tickled that I have finally met someone (you), who like me, can't bear dry hands and lips. It is easily one of the most distracting and upsetting things I deal with. I will slowly begin to meltdown if my hands and lips go dry. There is a bottle of lotion by each of my sinks and I also have several lip balms and glosses--even in my car!
C. I love fashionable clothing and shoes (but simple is key), but I despise shopping or talking about fashion. I just want the stuff so I can wear it--so I employ the Internet to avoid having to do the shopping at the mall thing.
I have a major aversion to "chick-lit" though I am completely in love with fantasy. For the first time in my life, I have actually developed an interest in writing a teen series and the main character is on the spectrum. My manuscript, so far, is something that I see both spectrum and non-spectrum folk enjoying. It does, however, fall into the category of chick lit. Dare I mention that I am a Twilight fan?
As far as interior decorating, I love for my place to express what I like visually and artistically--but I would rather DIE than go shopping for hours on end. I like quick transactions and I always know, right away, whether or not something is going to work for me. None of that wishy-washy back and forth stuff for me.
D. Like you and your husband, my husband and I are also very similar. We compliment each other well, as he is good at what I need help with and vice versa. There's no drama in our relationship--just that facts and a lot of love, support, and understanding.
Best wishes!

Posted by Elesia Ashkenazy on 05/01/2009 @ 05:44PM PT
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For some reason, my replies are not showing up with proper spacing, which is a total visual distraction--hmpf! My apologies to all readers.

Posted by Elesia Ashkenazy on 05/01/2009 @ 05:46PM PT
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Elesia, I also have lotion at every sink and at my desk and in my purse and in my car, and I "lip stuff" in all of those places, as well. I really start to freak out if my lips start to feel dry, and I can't stand it if my hands feel that way.

When I have to get dressed, I try to dress au courant. But I also hate shopping--in fact, even shopping online exhausts me because I get overwhelmed with choices and can't keep track. And I never talk about that kind of thing. I dress simply, no bright patterns or colors, cotton, preferably loose.

My interior decoration consists of being clean and comfortable and lining my walls with books, photgraphs, and decent art.

I've got a soft spot for fantasy. Let's just say that when the Lord of the Rings movies came out and I went to see the first film, I almost cried with happiness. It was a big deal to me.

I'd like to add that I really enjoy your guest blogs.

Posted by Emily Willingham on 05/01/2009 @ 09:04PM PT
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Emily, as far as dry hands and lips, I can barely stand to look at someone whose lips are chapped (he he). I just want to grab a tube of ChapStick and nurse the poor person's lips back to health. I even have lip balm tubes for both of my boys--the older one wipes it off after I put it on, but it only takes a wee dab to revive those cracked dry river beds!

I loved the J.R.R. Tolkien books when I was a child, especially The Hobbit. The movies were awesome! And I loved Liv Tyler as Arwen Evenstar.

Thanks for mentioning that you enjoy my guests blogs. I drive Dora crazy with after the fact edits, every time, and I fear that if she didn't like me as much as she does, I would be banned (and sent a bag of jelly beans as severance). :)

Posted by Elesia Ashkenazy on 05/02/2009 @ 07:47AM PT
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I can completely relate to everything you wrote. I am an HFA/Asperger and have two children, also diagnosed as HFA/Aspergers - one male, one female. It's been a long hard road with a long way to go yet...

Posted by Meg Stokes on 09/18/2009 @ 06:28AM PT
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Thanks for your support Meg. Best wishes on your path.

Posted by Elesia Ashkenazy on 09/18/2009 @ 03:21PM PT
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Author

Elesia Ashkenazy is Asperger's autistic, as well as profoundly deaf. Elesia is the mother of an autistic son. Currently, Elesia is co-directing Portland Autistic Self Advocacy Network (PDX ASAN) in Portland, Oregon. She is also a community board member of Academic Autistic Spectrum Partnership In Research and Education (AASPIRE). Elesia possesses a Bachelor's degree in Speech & Hearing Sciences and she is also a licensed Speech Language Pathology Assistant. She enjoys public speaking and writing. Her blog: aspitude!.